Dictators we like - A guide to USA sponsored tyrannies

Este intento de texto satírico en inglés fue escrito en tiempos de la administración de George Bush Jr, pero no les sorprenda si sigue siendo relevante por algún tiempo...

My fellow Americans:

I'm sure you have lately heard that we, the United States of America have supported fascist or semi-fascist dictators around the world. You may find this information a little confusing, and that's precisely why we kept it from you for so long. Too bad some critics and freedom-haters irresponsibly spread this information in recent years.

It's understandable that you're confused. Aren't we, the United States of America, the champions of Democracy and Liberty in this world? How is it possible that we had supported dictatorships?

Allow me to explain you. Sometimes, in order to preserve OUR freedom, we have to supress freedom in other countries. Sometimes, it is not our freedom that is threatened, but our comfort, wealth and luxury, and those are fundamental American values, just like freedom... Or even more! So, whenever it is necessary to supress freedom in other nations in orden to ensure freedom, comfort, wealth and luxury in our nation, specially for our very best (our millionaires), we just do it. Get it?

Don't be confused. We do not support dictatorship as a form of government per se, we only sponsor some dictators we need to guarantee the continuous existence of the American Way of Life.

In order to avoid future misunderstandings, here I present to you, my fellow Americans, the list of dictators we like, and the list of dictators we don't like.

DICTATORS WE DON'T LIKE:

• Iosiff Stalin
• Mao Zedong
• Ho Chi Min
• Pol Pot
• Kim Il Sung
• Ruhollah Jomeini
• Fidel Castro
• Hugo Chávez

DICTATORS WE LIKE:

• Francisco Franco
• Augusto Pinochet
• Rafael Videla
• Rafael Leónidas Trujillo
• Alfredo Stroessner
• Fulgencio Batista
• Ferdinando Marcos
• The Somoza Family
• The Saudi Royal Family
  

DICTATORS WE USED TO LIKE, BUT WHOM WE SUDDENLY DECIDED TO DISLIKE:

• Porfirio Díaz
• Adolf Hitler
• Benito Mussolini
• Manuel Noriega
• The Taliban
• Saddam Hussein
• Hosni Mubarak
• Muamar Al-Kaddafi

I hope everything is clear now. And God bless America!!!

Más para entender las chingaderas de los gringos:

• Los gringos son los malos
• Sobre el conflicto coreano
• Diccionario de política gringa
• Memorias del Calderonato